Sorry I haven't been at the blogface for a while folks. Things to do, people to see, crosswords to finish, chord sequences to practice. And more...
My friends (and Kaz) will tell you that I'm a cold blooded logical scientist and haven't got a romantic bone in my body, but they couldn't be more wrong. I've just been working on the most romantic, life affirming project of my life but sadly it hasn't gone to plan. I'm loathe to tell the World about it but I think I have to tell SOMEONE to unburden this aching hurt that fills my soul so you, dear reader, are the unfortunate recipient of this sad news.
As you know, Kaz and I have a regular "arangement" which I've become increasingly frustrated with - she doesn't realize it but I'd like us to become a proper "item" like ordinary people instead of this bizarre John Alderton-Pauline Collins life that we have been living.
Obviously being Kaz the Harridan of Accrington I can't just ask her outright - she'd laugh me out of court and say something all "Victoria Wood" like "Dint thee be saft thee girt lummox!". I had to do something she would see as more subtle, original and romantic to cut through that steely Northern exterior to the burning heart I know is within. So I came up with a plan.
Six months ago I hear that Albert along the corridor along from me at the flats was leaving and his flat was about to become vacant. I immediately started working on Kaz to persuade her to exchange and move upstairs because this was going to be vital for my plan - fortunately she took the bait and the other week moved in.
Once the date of the move was set my plans went into overdrive. I drew out a large chunk of my paltry Teacher's savings and contacted a Manchester Agency to produce a bus-side advert specifically for the Magic Bus which goes past the flats - I can't tell you how much this cost!
Finally on the day of the move, I spent 2 hours travelling back and forward on the upper deck of the bus looking up whistfully and pointing down at the advert as it passed the flats.
Was she swept off her feet? Was she gob-smacked with the audacity of romance?
No. She was pre-occupied with a burnt sausage that had been placed in her oven (not a metaphor I'm afraid) and didn't see the result of my labours at all.
I don't know what to do now readers. What do you suggest?
18 comments:
I think you should get out more.
Just do what I did Kev:
Go down on one knee before her and recite the Lord's Prayer in a shaky cockney-barrer-boy voice.
Worked a treat with Iman - and she's a ruddy *Muslim*!
Good luck with Kaz, yer daft gret sporran!
;)
L.U.V. on ya,
Bob
Do they allow Everton fans on Manchester buses?
Hmmm...not sure what to suggest. How about the old fashioned chocolates, flowers and sparkly things? (But not while playing jazz).
Sponsor Everton to have one letter each of the phrase "Marry Me Kaz!" on their shirts.
If you've got 20 quid to spare, that is.
And make sure that they stand in the correct order, because "Ram My Zaker" doesn't make much sense.
Rog: I've heard that's true of your good self.
Robert: Swoipe me, me old china. Kaz Luuuvvvvsss the ol' cockernee.
Geoff: Only if we don't consume our own jealousy on the premises. The colour was right.
Roses: You could be right. She goes ape shit when I suggest an evening at Wythenshawe Jazz Club.
Vicus: I think you'll find that an invitation to "Ram My Zaker" will get you 7 years in some US States.
Simply withdraw £80,000 from your back account and ask ITV1 to screen a well positioned 30 second ad of you singing "I Will Always Love You" in the style Whitney Houston. Guaranteed success.
but why she want to marry you?
Romantic - huh?
He's just after my teacher's pension.
Oh I've just spotted Kev on the bus.
So it's all true.
Ahhhhhhhh! I love a bit of romance.
Can I buy a hat? Oh go on Kaz.
Sx
Point out that cohabitation would solve the cordless phone and wireless internet problem.
Makes a change from a shotgun....!!
Good luck!
See my comment on K's previous post.
And think of the obvious efficiencies: you won't be spending teacher's pensions on two lots of bedding and you won't be having to provide two lots of meter readings to utilities companies.
Good luck Kev!
Kev...a lot of us are concerned about Kaz's absence from the blog. If you two have got spliced and are happily consumating, that's fine. But please tell us, via a comment on the Kaz blog, yes?
Yes come on Kev. What have you done with our Kaz?!!!!
Kev - Sorry, I'm another migrant from Kaz's blog. Just to you know.. echo Rog's comment.
A word, a sign, something....
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